JOKES...Go On Have A Giggle...lol...

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night
after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to
sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They
begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a
short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you
know what I miss most of all?'

She asks, 'What?'
'Sex!!' he replies.
Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old poop. You couldn't get it up if
I held a gun to your head!'

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold
it for a while.'

'Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers,
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward,
they agree to meet secretly each night in the
garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's
manhood.

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was
OK She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him
sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding
Harold's manhood!


Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing creep! What does Ethel
have that I don't have?'

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's.'

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not
supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the
mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your
business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a
divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated
mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me
anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the
friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a
report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl
says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is
surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh
140 pounds." The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's
name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly "I
know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

ROFL - brilliant!!

HAHAHAHA!!! lol there both brilliant! and sick